Mended futures for every family.
When people ask me about my family, it’s always an interesting conversation. I have four biological kids, three adopted children, and right now, I’m fostering more kids than I can even keep track of. In Lynchburg, my name carries weight. Whether I’m “Dad,” “Unc,” or “Moss,” I’m known to a lot of people in this community. And I’m okay with that—because in many ways, being a dad to these kids has become my purpose.
But it wasn’t always this way. Growing up in poverty, in a place many would call “the hood,” life in the Greenfield projects was a constant battle. Drugs, violence, and single-parent homes surrounded me. But through it all, I had a praying mother who kept me grounded, getting me to church every time the doors were open. And even though my dad wasn’t around, I had some strong men in my church who showed me what it meant to be a man and a father.
As tough as those years were, I look back on them with pride because they shaped me into the person I am today. I understand the pain and struggles many of my foster kids face because I’ve walked a similar road. And without those experiences, I don’t think I’d be able to relate to the kids who come into my home. When I sit with them and hear their stories, it’s almost like they see in me what they’ve longed for—someone who understands.
When I first started fostering, I had high hopes. I believed that if I just showered these kids with love, exposed them to the love of Christ, and provided a stable home, they’d heal. But unfortunately, most of the time, by the time kids are removed from their own homes, the damage is done. And no matter how much you love them or how much stability you provide, the road to healing is longer, messier, and far more complex than you could ever expect.
The most humbling part of foster care is realizing that the kids don’t always heal, certainly not always in your care. I’ve had kids in my home who were hurting so deeply that no matter how much I gave them, it seemed like they couldn’t accept it. They’d act out, create chaos, and make it clear that they didn’t trust that anyone was really there for them.
I remember one child in particular—one of the first kids we had in our home—who really challenged me. At night, before bed, I would always tell my kids, “I love you,” just as I do with all my biological children. But this child responded in a way that still haunts me to this day.
One evening, as I told him, “I love you,” he just looked at me and said, “Can you not say that?” His voice cracked as he added, “People have told me that before, and then they just disappear.”
At that moment, everything inside me dropped. I thought, “So I’m becoming the guy who said that I would never do that. And here I am doing it.” It made me question everything. There I was, struggling to provide him the security he so desperately needed.
That’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when you’re pouring everything you have into these kids. But the truth is, foster care isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about sowing seeds—seeds of hope, love, and stability—even when you might never see the harvest.
That being said, there have also been times when I thought I was getting nowhere, but years later, I’ve seen those seeds start to grow.
One of the most profound moments of this journey came when I saw a former foster child walk into church years after he left. This kid had been in my home for a time, and though our relationship was rocky, he had returned to tell me how much he appreciated the love and guidance I gave him. Even though I hadn’t seen the change while he was in my care, the seeds I planted eventually bore fruit. He’s now thriving on his own, and that moment reminded me that the work we do as foster parents isn’t always about immediate results.
So, who in their right mind would choose this path? Why step into the mess that is foster care?
The answer is simple: It’s a call.
Fostering is not for everyone. It’s tough, and it requires a level of grace that doesn’t always make sense. But if you feel that call on your heart, it’s hard to ignore. When you see the need around you, when you realize that there are kids out there who need love and stability, how can you not respond? It may not be through fostering—it could be through mentoring, volunteering, or just stepping in to help a family who’s struggling.
And that’s where the church community comes in. You don’t have to be a foster parent to help. I’ve had kids come into my home who felt like no one cared about them, because every adult they met was paid to be there. So what happens when you step in, not because you’re paid, but because you genuinely care? What happens when you take a child to the park, or invite them to your home for a meal, and show them that you’re not just there for the paycheck but because you see them as a person, not a project? That kind of love speaks volumes.
Another challenge of fostering is learning to balance love and attention between your biological children and the kids in your home. At first, this was a huge adjustment for my family. My biological kids had to share their parents with kids who came from very different backgrounds. They had to learn how to love their foster siblings even when they acted out in ways that were hard to understand.
Fostering requires that you love each child in the way that they need to be loved—not in the way that feels most comfortable to you. My biological children and I have had to work through this a lot. There were moments of frustration, confusion, and hurt feelings. But we’ve also learned a lot about grace, patience, and unconditional love.
As parents, it’s important to teach our children that fair doesn’t always mean equal. Sometimes, my foster kids need a different kind of love or a different approach to discipline, and that’s okay. The key is to ensure that every child feels valued—whether they’re your biological child or a child in your care.
Fostering can also put a strain on a marriage. It’s not easy when one parent feels the call to foster but the other is unsure. This is a common situation I’ve seen, and it’s important that both partners are on the same page before stepping into foster care.
For my wife and me, Christ has been the center of our marriage, and it’s what has kept us grounded through the tough seasons. There have been times when we had to pause, reassess, and make sure we were both on the same page about what we were doing and why. It’s about maintaining a healthy family dynamic and making sure that our biological kids are thriving too. Fostering is not just about opening your home to children in need; it’s about maintaining the health of your own family while doing it.
Through it all, our commitment to Christ, our love for our community, and our desire to make a difference have kept us moving forward.
Fostering is not a journey for the faint of heart. It’s tough, messy, and often heart-wrenching. But it’s also one of the most important things you can do with your life.
If you feel the call to foster, don’t ignore it. Embrace it. And remember: it’s not just about foster parents. We all have a role to play in caring for the kids in our community—whether that’s through fostering, mentoring, or simply showing up to support a family who’s doing the hard work.
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