If you had told me 10 years ago that I’d be raising my two grandsons with my ex-husband, I would have said that you were crazy. But today, by God’s grace and strength, that’s exactly what I’m doing.  

I have three grown kids, one of which I share with my ex-husband Bill, and we were able to coparent well together. Another is my middle daughter, who got married to her husband 6 years ago and together they gave birth to two beautiful boys in New York.  However, it soon became painfully obvious that there were a lot of problems occurring in the marriage, and their home was simply not safe for children. My biggest fear was losing the boys to Child Protective Services in New York, or having them getting lost in the foster care system. Initially, my grandsons were moved to live with our son-in-law’s grandmother, but it became apparent that they still were not going to be protected like they deserved to be.  

All kinds of drama played out for several months, CPS getting involved with my daughter’s family multiple times. I begged my daughter to give me the boys. I begged her to get her life together, get clean, and then get her kids back, but she swore CPS would not take her boys. 

Sadly, she couldn’t prevent that from happening. At 5 am on December 8, 2021, we got a call. CPS had been called….again. This time, however, the boys were going to be placed in foster care if I didn’t come to Lynchburg that very day to pick them up and take them in. Bill was called as well, and so together, we made a plan. At that time, I was still living in Roanoke and working in Salem, but in one day I moved from Roanoke to Lynchburg into my ex-husband’s house. I thought it would be a temporary arrangement until my daughter got her kids back.   

Bill and I thought for sure that our daughter would step up and do what she needed to do to get the boys back. But in the end, Bill and I were given temporary custody and we started parenting young children all over again, with all of the challenges and energy required to do so, especially for two boys who had lived through so many traumatic events in their short lives. Frankly, we were pretty overwhelmed!  

In January of 2022, we were introduced to the idea of kinship care. I was told by our social worker that she had given our names to a support service run by FIVE18 Family Services to help family members who are caring for children of a loved one. I got a phone call that week from Kameron Deane, who told us about FIVE18 and what they had to offer. 

Bill and I had parented our kids together 30 years ago, but they weren’t exposed to drugs, trauma, domestic violence, and the like. So our grandsons’ behaviors were really hard to cope with. Kameron told us about trauma-informed classes, specifically Trust-Based Relational Intervention and Circle of Security Parenting. In these classes, participants are taught how to build strong attachments with the kids you are caring for.  Those classes were a game changer for Bill and I. We learned how to deal with “kids from hard places,” and were provided the tools we desperately needed.

Since 2022, Kameron has supported us through numerous court dates for custody and visitation. She always remembers to ask about them before and after the fact. She has prayed both for us and with us. Seeing her smile when we walk in the door each month for a support group warms my heart, and my boys love going to the meetings. They are loved and spoiled while I get to talk to grown ups in person. 

Bill and I have a unique story, and people are always curious. During one of our parenting classes, one woman asked to pray for us as we were leaving. Bill is not a praying man. But he stayed for the prayer. At the end, Bill was walking away, and I told the woman that Bill is an amazing man, an amazing dad, and an amazing grandpa. We just didn’t work out as husband and wife. I don’t think I’d ever said those words to Bill, but he overheard me saying this and had tears in his eyes…which is saying a lot. That was a meaningful moment inspired simply by a class given by FIVE18 Family Services. 

When Bill and I made this choice over two years ago, we never expected to still be here. Still standing. Still working hard to keep the boys together until if/when my daughter gets custody of her kids again. The fact that a divorced couple can come together and stay together during incredible times of stress speaks to how tender our hearts are for our two grandsons, with just the right amount of support from FIVE18, and the power of Jesus and meaningful relationships.

Written by Veronica Reilly, FIVE18 Family Care Client